Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Sexiest Men in Rock & Roll - A Scientific Study

This is how you do it.

Some think sexiness is in the eye of the beholder. But is it? Here at Silly Lists of Nothingness, we say its an exacting science that can be proved in labs with women in white coats using complex formulas that are beyond you, so don't worry pretty little head.

This isn't a case of "I think he's hot" as much as this guy is definitely hot - like, scientifically. These guys work it and they own it. We also threw in a few hot rock stars that are non-traditionally sexy but radiate that sexy vibe, which means there's hope for us all.

Here's the criteria which lead us to our findings:
  • They ooze sexiness. They know they're sexy and show it off. They're cocky, sometimes literally, as you'll soon see.
  • They look good in tight pants.
  • They look good in tight pants.

The Top Ten Hottest Men in Rock

1. Jim Morrison

Topping our list is the Lizard King himself. Jim Morrison stands heads and shoulders above the rest, according to our esteemed panel. In fact, he sets the standard for the rest of the list. The man oozes sexiness, from his leather pants to his pouty lips. He even passes out on stage sexy. Not everyone can pull that off.

2. Sting (The Early Days)

Young Sting was a HOTTIE. Tantric sex Sting of today is a little too rich and self-involved, not like the lean and hungry Sting of yesteryear. Just the video for "Don't Stand so Close to Me" alone created lifelong English teacher fantasies for women worldwide.

3. Jared Leto
Big ego, maybe...but I'm smoking. Just try to deny me."

4. Michael Hutchence of INXS

"I'm feeling cocky....can't you tell?"

5. Rod Stewart (Early Days)

"I plan on fucking a lot. I mean, a lot, a lot."

6. Trent Reznor

7. Mick Jagger

"Please...this list was invented for me."

8. Robert Plant

Eat this, Jagger.

9. Elvis Presley

"Easy, boys. I clearly started the whole thing."

10. Billy Squier

My kinda lover.
11. Freddie Mercury

 "I'm non-traditionally sexy but I got "it" in spades."

12. Chris Cornell

"I don't know why I'm here."

Well, Cornell wasn't going to make the list but as our team of esteemed scientists reviewed more photos, it was decided amongst our team that he would "not be thrown out of bed for eating crackers" as Dr. Lanci put it.

13. Prince

"Bitch please. I should be number one."

David Lee Roth

Okay maybe its the chaps...but still.

The People You'll Say Should Have Made the List and Why They Didn't

1. David Bowie - While he is elegant, stylish and charming, he isn't sexy per se. He's got a little bit of an alien element to him as well which isn't sexy, at least on this planet.

2. Jon Bon Jovi - First off, we did say "rock." And Jon Bon Jovi is good-looking - no doubt. But not sexy. He's kinda cookie cutter good-looking, like a Ken doll.

3. Jeff Buckley - He's a little too poetic and sad to be "rock out with his cock out," as Dr. Lawrence so aptly put it.

4. Kurt Cobain - Raw beauty indeed - but too damaged to be sexy.

5. Skidrow's Sebastian Bach - A little too pretty for his own good.

6. Chris Isaak - Good-looking in a 50's sort of way, but not sexy.

7. Bruce Springsteen - Earthy, gritty...but not sexy. (Though the album cover with his ass on it is a step in the right direction.)

8. Steven Tyler - Sequestered to this list due to poor online imagery.

"This isn't fair."

Thanks to my esteemed colleagues, Dr. Beth Mann, Dr. Ruby Lawrence and Dr. April Lanci-Leseur, whose level of professionalism is remarkable and most importantly, scientific:

"Leave the science to us."

(And Candy, you're always number one on my list.)

1 comment:

cwfinkle said...

You've forgotten someone. I can only assume it's because of your own ignorance. It's not possible to view this man and reject him as not sexy. I'm sure after you view the attached link and do your own research, he will jump to the top of your list. He is the one and only David Gilmour of the Pink Floyd.