Friday, December 16, 2011

7 Things I'm Suprised I DON'T Like

1. Zebras

I love animals. LOVE them. They make me believe in God and everything good. They are pure life and goodness. But for some reason, zebras leave me scratching my head. I just don't...get them. Are they horses? What do they do?

2. Billie Holiday

I should so love Lady Day. She sings with that world weary pathos that should emotionally resonate with me. But ugh...that swoopy, dippy voice. Frankly, I've never understood why she's even known as a good singer. (I know - blasphemy.)

3. Champagne

I love booze! We go way back. I've visited the Champagne region in France and drank some of the best in the world. And I like celebratory drinks, where glasses go clink. But I do not like champagne. Just says headache to me.

4. My One Friend who Shall Remain Nameless

She's been my friend for a long time. But she doesn't listen all that well. And whenever I do get the chance to tell her what's going on with me, I feel like she judges me on this subtle level. So when I get off the phone with her, I always feel crappy.

5. Snowboarding

 Because I surf, people enthusiastically push snowboarding on me. "You'll love it! It's just like surfing." No, I won't. It's just not my sport. I picked my sports and its not one of them.

6. Mad Men

I love good television. And I know Mad Men is supposed to be "great" or whatever. But I never plan on watching it. It's just too pretty and I have a feeling it will annoy me for some reason.

I have a feeling the misogyny quotient would be too high for me to overlook (and trust me, I have to overlook it a lot in many television shows and movies.)

7. Theater

Oh god strike me down for this: I hate theater! And guess what? I studied it at a university for years. I'm a trained actor. But if you want to see me slip into a protective comatose state, put me in a cramped, hot theater with a play that is entirely too long. That says hell to me.

Plus theater has sucked for a long, long time. It's an empty art at this point. It's too constrained and sanitized. When I'm forced to go, I treat it like a good deed - like giving blood or going to church or something. But the whole time, I'm dying a million deaths.

8. Seinfeld

I should love it. It broke the mold, etc. But I feel like I know funny pretty well...and Seinfeld ain't it. Too dry, like Letterman. And Jerry is a crappy actor. And he seems like a dick in real life. If its a show about nothing, then they succeeded.
Now Curb your Entusiasm, I like. It was a bit abrasive at first but it grew on me.
Larry David in a great scene from a Woody Allen movie: