Sunday, November 14, 2010

The 15 Sexiest Father Figures of All Time

Check out these sexy father types and choose one for your own unmet childhood needs and current day crises. Hell, choose a couple (you know, different dads for different meltdowns).

May they love you deeply, guide you firmly, and look smoking hot all the while.

1. Atticus Finch:

Daddy personified, I'd like to forcibly remove Scout out of this porch scene and replace her with a 43-year old me.

2. Pa Ingalls

Apparently Michael Landon was a bit of a grouchy hard-ass in person but on LHOP (you know what show I’m talking about), he was the all-knowing and all-understanding Pa Ingalls with plain, good old fashioned advice meant to keep you on the straight and narrow.

3. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ:

He understands. And he's got really warm hands.

4. Max Von Sydow

Picture says it all.

5. Donald Sutherland:

I've been crushing on Donald Sutherland since I was a kid. Once in New York City, a woman walked by Ruby and I, wearing a t-shirt that simply read "Donald Sutherland." Who wears a shirt with just an actor's name in iron-on felt letters on it?

We found this strange but somehow, since it was Donald Sutherland, we understood.

6. Gandolph

Magical dads with long beards are sexy and cool.

7. My old boyfriend Richard Lee

8. Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights:

9. William Faulkner

That wacky dad that you always secretly craved.

10. Nat King Cole

Just the name screams sexy dad type. The voice and kind, easy-going demeanor add to overall paternal bliss.

11. Darth Vadar:

If you're in the market for an all-around scary bad-ass of a dad. Nobody will be beating you up at school, that's for sure.

12. Tommy Lee Jones

Stern but fair. Loud but loving.

13. My Dad (of course)

14. The song "Father Figure":

Thanks to following Open Salon and Facebook folks for contributions and suggestions:

Ruby Lawrence, Sandy Schulman, Ralph Riggliadez, Angela Freeman Tiene, Anthony Revelas, Erin Cutili, Karen Reb Rudel,Douglas Mann, Sir Steve Blevins, Bobby Jean Gallagher, Scottie Chapman, Connie Mack, Cherie Siebert, Janet Scheffler, Sheila Smigel and Odette Roulette.

And Odette Roulette, this bonus father figure is for you, a longtime proponent of the sexiness that was Hugh Beaumont:

Hello, Odette. I'm Hugh Beaumont, your fictional father. Now go to your room.